Earth hour is not propaganda, though it may seem like it.



Not only is it an attempt to raise awareness over energy consumption it's also goes to show how overly dependent we are on electricity, to the point it's disgusting on how much we consume, even small things we don't even think about such as running a refrigerator, using a computer, garage doors, etc, running the heater or air-conditioning

You can live without TV for a night, without lights for an hour, without the microwave, without your video games and without your computers, without charging your phones, without playing music, without going to the movies, without eating out....
Use this time to actually TALK face to face with people, read a book in front of the fireplace, have a candle-lit dinner, play board games or card games, be a kid again and build forts, run around, get off your asses and play OUTSIDE. have fun.

Disappointment. Being stood up and let down by our best friend is hard. Kira and I have been planning a trip to Monterey Bay Aquarium this weekend for the past month - two months because the penguin exhibit just reopened on the 17th and I have a 3 day weekend, so it's perfect, plus I have been needing to get out of So. Cal and embrace the nice opened beautiful crisp air of nor cal plus we'd go to San Fran and go to the store Kid Robot on Haight St. and Ashbury St.
and we even talked last night about it, but today she got to drunk so now we can't go.

I am soo hurt and sad and feel let down, This trip something I have been looking forward to for months! I mean me +penguins + Monterey Bay Aquarium + Winchester Mystery House + Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum + comic book/artwork store in san fran..= amazing priceless words can't express it

:(

IN SHOCK

IN SHOCK

Yesterday (Saturday) I was asked to create artwork that will be displayed at a nationwide fundraiser event for both MY Fat with Fat and Multiple sclerosis Foundations.

I am still in shock, I never thought I was that good, especially worthy enough to have my work displayed in front of hundreds/thousands of people, HUGE events.

I am still in shock and just wow.

yet another

Broken memories of yesteryear burn to cinders
eyes smolder and become lost in the crimson sunset
as the golden hues fades away into the distant horizon.
Sit and watch the moon rise high in the sky
it's refection as it shimmers
onto the rippling crystal water below
I will follow you into a land of lullabies

we'll rise above sin and sorrow;
treck across lost words and faded promises;
run through the Valley of Dead Shadows;
and take a leap of faith far far away.
Escaping this dead western night that
rests open lands of lost dreams.

As our hands intertwine
we'll build a new world where
every word uttered is the truth
and true love never ends.
Lets bring truth to these lullabies
and shake life up till the end of time.

old poems i wrote

-land of lost -
The land of the lost rest on the valley of shadows of death,
hearts with hand guns bleed their black love lost tears
while resting upon these fallen broken angel wings.
These paper heart promises ripple in the wind
and burn in agony waiting for a sign
that their love will be mended.


- Sleep -
Through pills and advice it's been
five days and counting without sleep
In a flash whispers turn into screams
everything seems to be falling apart,
trapped in a fake sound of progress
stuck in a world that worships lies.

sandpaper and salt are all i need
to scrape away the illusions that
perfection runs on silence.
If all else fails my nightmares are taking over me;
scared to sleep just like those kids on Elm Street
someone is using me like the rook in the game of Chess
An evil game playing my heart and mind for keeps.
Destruction somehow has become my only friend.


-Book of Good Name -
I keep a book of good names
to those I know I can trust
and turn to in those times of need
Do i have to tell you no one ever shuts up to listen
to the warning cries of others?
The media is the destroyer
They all think we are disposable,
who walk around like androids
on our hands and knees
at the beck and call of others.
Let's burn the truth away
so they can sleep and drift off
into perfect little dreamlands
of the lavish life of materialism.
They are the ones against the underdogs
who fight for the decline and death of the less fortunate
and the rise of the snobby inhumane civilians.
Media is the destroyer of our human existence.


- Vices -
Clawing, fighting, reaching. Gasping for air
Trying to find the way out of my life in hell
Regret has become my favorite friend
my infliction is no longer fiction.
I despise the person I have become
with so much to offer and a heart of gold
I've locked myself up and put me on hold.

Just like Sarah Winchester's house
I'm setting stairways of goals with no where to go
letting doors of opportunities fall to the ground
Screaming at the top of my lungs
for the past can't be undone
Years and moments forever lost
Become apart of history's mysteries.

Slave to my own vice
not worth the price
I've tasted my own bane
Fee me from these chains
Lend me your helping hands
burn my profligate lifestyle
hear my once silent heart roar
life is in my hands once more.


- Thrills and Spills-
I laugh in the face of danger
For the risk of failure
is the spice of life
Live, love and learn
No more regrets it's just a wasted breath
The choices you made
May not be seen now just you wait
Life's butterfly effect will unfold
Play itself out onto others or yourself
Life is a bumpy ride
an adventure to call your own
a continuous roller coaster ride
thrills, spills, ups and downs
laugh, scream, sing
never let go,
let your emotions show
You get only one shot. one chance.
So make the most of it and take a stance
ignore the negative opinions of others
always be your positive self

i need you so bad. i need you to dig out the inner parts
of that are dying to get out but are repressed
by years of soil covering dead dreams.
i want to leave my worries and troubles of my past
and make a beautiful future with just you and i.

im so scared and worried and frightened.
my plights are undistinguishable.
i have no idea what im doing and
how i'm going to make it there without losing it.
but i'm going to do it. nothings going to stop




Joystick
My heart has been toggled like a joystick
bending falling moving.
Not sure which way to go
Which way to say.

Should I follow the path I am on
or take a turn
moving towards an unknown destination
With no one by my side
No on there to touch

Falling Faster, Deeper, Stronger
Screams become silent
Ears are covered
I am alone, wrapped up in solitude
in a cold dark cell
that is my mind




Death
hold on close to the ones you love
for you may not know when their time is up.
Death plays an evil game, taking lives away.
They slip and fall, away from our eyes
No longer able to feel their touch, the warmth of their skin.
We think, ponder,question of what we last said to them
Did we say what we really felt? or say things out of anger?
We pray, we pleed that our final words were not of hate.
Look into yourself, have you lived life to its fullest?
Live each day as if it were your last
Final words of love not hate
for you never know when your time is up.
Through death, you realize how much people mean to you.
Darkness falls upon our tortued souls.

While everyone worries their lives away
We elude from the cacophony of the flickering city lights, 
Down to the ocean's crashing waves
across the barren desert
up the winding mountain road

Hungry
from the start like a jaguar in the dark
your crimson green eyes send a sweet chill down my spine.
Just as musicians paint their pictures on silence,
our breath paints pictures on the quiet midnight sky 

Listen 
as our song spoils the quiet and sets the sky on fire  
It's perfect the smoldering sounds
create flowing images with each passing note.



farrr from being completed... just wanted to post a rough draft

Just You Wait

"Just You Wait!"
Just you wait...
you'll see
it'll be perfect
like i wish to be

and you'll be shy
and i'll be softspoken
but we will feel it
as our hearts are awoken

and i'll pass a smile
and you will catch a glance
and inside we will both hope
we have a chance

to be in one anothers arms
for as long as we can comprehend
and to make it more real
than anyone could pretend

so tomorrow we will wake
and journey forth to a new discovery
and im hoping i can show you
"how beautiful the world can be"

I tried so hard, to ignore it
and I try so hard, not to care
The distance that's between us
is getting too much to bare
I want to kiss and hold you
and feel the warmth of your touch
Knowing right now that I can't
is hurting me so damn much

Why did you say you liked me?
Tell me, why did you say you cared?
Now that we have started this
I'm getting a little scared
I never should have admitted
the way you make me feel
It shows me more than ever
That this is really real

I don't have all the answers
to what's really happening here
But to pass up this one chance
and never know... is now my biggest fear
As I sit here debating
wondering what to do
I know without a doubt
that I truly care about you


oh man I've ben skimming though my livejournal.

MEMOIRES ahhaha (11th Grade 2003) Talking about my American Experience class (free form debate/discussion
Mr. Kessler asked "does anyone have anyother type of animals..not the typical kind?" So again I raised my hand and mentioned that I have rescued 4 desert tortoises, well.. two tortoises whom had babies. Then this girl spoke out,somewhat interrupting me and said "OO! I have crabs!!" we all of course turned out heard instantly and looked at her giving her a very confused look in disbelief , and we were all... in shock... and we were all like "WHAT!?!??!?!" and she's like "i have crabs".. and mr. kessler said "um.. im not sure if you really should be sharing this...." and shes like "um.. i have 4 crabs, I got them from Fashion Island".... yea so after a few minutes we all finally realized that she had those hermit crabs that you can buy that are spray painted and stuff (which i dont think is all that right.. but yea) and then we found out she has to make them work out every day.. i almost fell over when she said that.. because she wasn't kidding around.
then Tyler yelled out "Ive seen someone walk their bunny and mouse before with a leash and everything, taking them for a stroll"...

fade to dust at the touch of something beautiful

To me music is the only universal language shared around the world. No matter where you live or what language you speak music units individuals making everyone equal regardless of your race, creed, sexual preference , religion, gender..etc. Musicians paint their pictures on silence, the perfect combination of notes/sounds to create flowing images with each passing note. Music is a way to express one's self with each note/chord floating through the air sends emotions and tickles all five senses heart, allowing the listener to feel what the artist was going through at time of it's composition. Music in a sense is all around, no matter where you turn, music is in the air, whether its the birds chirping, or the wind blowing and rustling the trees, or even the turn signals in your car.


fade to dust at the touch of something beautiful

Lost
in this broken world
I fight
for my rights
stand
true to what I believe.
Falling
apart as my dreams shatter
blowing
away in the desert wind
I Fade to dust








pain and danger
Trapped on a one man island.
pain is all you've ever known
hate, terror, torture, solitude
Forget what you've heard
recognize what you see.
Conquer yourself
look at your imperfections
gather and embrace them
climb the ladder of hope
not the mountain's peak

Oil Slicked Jealousy

I just hydroplaned my car getting on a freeway
I drifted to the right so i guess I over corrected myself as I tuned the wheel to the left and somehow spun around 3 times flew across 3 lanes of traffic and went up a 25 foot dirt hill spun around like 1-2 times up there and landed facing the opposite direction
thank god no other cars were around, and thank god I only spun in circles and didn't roll over, if I did, i would be dead.

but as soon as i finished my spinning I was hysterical/in shock as other cars were getting on the on ramp.. and of course .... rubbernecking.
Oddly only one car- one guy stopped to ask if I was okay and asked if i needed any help, He helped get my car out of this dirt/mud pile (if you have seen My Cousin Vinny.. you'll know what type of predicament my car was in).
Thank goodness for him!

So I got off at the next exit and pulled into a parking lot to catch my breath and check out the car. My car looked as if i had gone off-roading but all in all no damage minus a rock lodged in between my back tire and the hub cap on he passenger side; which ended up giving me a flat tire.

Phew, thank goodness no one was around.


Anywho.....
On Friday I went up to LA for my friends movie world premier for the movie, Sick Girl. I not only knew majority of the actors but also knew/am friends with the director Eben McGarr. I worked with all of them on their other horror film, filmed in an abandoned hospital :D, which for all you video game lovers, this hospital was the one that gave inspiration and was recreated in the original Silent Hill video game!!
The night was fun! I was going to talk to Eben about putting my friend, Chad's music in the soundtrack of his next film but of course drama had to fill the night.
(removed to protect my friend from ms. coo coo)

anywho
Fuck Drama
Fuck Oil Slicks
Fuck unnecessary ills that plague and pollute our society/generation/world.
Fuck jealousy and crazy bitches

Be Happy.
Think positive

juxtaposition (new version)

Don't count every hour in the day
As you laugh, someone cries,
as you live, somebody dies
While you rejoice other mourn
Some love while some hate
One will fall as one will rise

Judged by appearance, and misspoken words,
Not the content of one's character, just by what you heard
No man can learn the value of his life without feeling pain.
yet, no human deserves a life of pain.

Feel the fire from our hearts, the flames of our desires
Let us praise the colonizers of dreams
it's the risk of failure that makes life worth living
For no one is setting a path for us to follow,
determined to find what we're searching for

Those days when life opened its new doors
Cause the simple moments they add up
like a shining sentiment where voices soar
Something no one could take from us

Some see the glass half empty,others half full
Define yourself by the choices you make
You decide it's your only way
Life is entanglement of juxtapositions
death is life's changing agent

Mislead and forced to serve for another's crooked faith
Like an angel's heart given flight by a demon
To weak think for ourselves
our opinions' , our inner voice's replaced by other's.
we become imprisoned by the dogmas of life
We sleepwalk our lives away.

Don't let the bitter fruit sour your breath or mind
Think positive don't loose faith
Only one book to write, yet countless stories to tell
There is only you, and you alone
Participate and contribute to society

Everyone is imperfect embrace flaws
they are what make you unique
Let your presence light in the hearts of everyone you meet
Never sell yourself sort, never settle
Be interested in everything and everybody

One can only connect the dots by looking into the past
Never regret if it's good it's wonderful; if it's bad it's experience
Learn and find strength from what remains behind

As the old to make way for the new
breathe easy my friend.
'cuz there is no escaping
breathe easy my friend.
as old to make way for the new
never give up, never let go of something you
can't go a day without thinking about
For it is the unsacrificed self that we must respect in man above all.

make every hour in the day count

Be Silent Be sTill

A silence where no sound may be
There is something to calm your fears
for silence affects everyone in the end.
Our bodies are prisons cells for our souls
Skin and blood our iron bars of confinement
It's not easy to look at your heart for
Eyes that catch the light, burn up our insides.

you long for the happiness that day will bring, where
every shadow no matter how deep is threatened
by morning light, imagination, memory, and laughter
Without eyes still seeing are always singing out

Conversations are oceans apart butterflies with wings of glass
sewn words untangle with time Smiles set fire to the bluest of days
In these echoes of silence, I can hear the angels sing,

Live Life while you can make the most of it live live with no regrets
As forever fades away in these echoes of silence,
Wrap it carefully round avoiding all entanglements
Everything is so finite but that’s what makes
time and each specific moments so important.


( a work in progress)

hmmmm

hand in hand. eye to eye. let's mourn the loss of our so called fairytale romance. place the roses on the casket. Wipe those tears from you eyes paint on a plastic coy smile as you drown yourself in bottles of vodka. this just wasn't the life for you. black was never your color.
you shouldn't be held down by the ties that love can bring. so take this razor from my hand and carve away all your thoughts of me. So we will no longer crave each other, never miss our supposedly perfect fairytale romance. Never have to return to our home nor our bed.
place the roses on the casket. Turn your back and walk away. this funeral for our old best friend is coming to an end. just go just walk away. and ttake this razor from my hand and carve away all your thoughts of me so i'll never see your face again. i'll never miss our memories and never wonder who is laying with you in our old bed


(currently untitled)

W4 O1 R1 D2 S1

"I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's ok to say, 'I have diarrhea,' is when you're playing Scrabble...because it's worth a shitload of points." - Zack Galifianakis

S₁ Q₁₀ U₁ E₁ E₁ Z₁₀ E₁
BINGO!!
120 points.. first word of the game. Hell yes! (one of the words i used)


            F₄
            R₁
R E T I N A
E           Z₁₀
D           Z₁₀
C           L₁
A           E₁
R O B E D₂

360 point word + 50 pts for BINGO + plus 8pts (adding onto probe) 418 points!!!! holy fuck
pure fucking luck


Almost any sport/game can be played in (usually) two ways either recreationally or competitively. Whether it's a leisure game of tag with your friends and neighbors, or you may find yourself running in the darkness of the night, praying you wont be smack/punched down and tagged. whatever the variation it's still the same sport, only the intensity has changed. Same rules can be applied to the game Scrabble as well. You can play for fun with your Grandma, or you can play for victory against your crazy neighbor who seems to eat dictionaries for breakfast.I honestly LOVE playing scrabble. I used to play it everyday with my boyfriend at the time (now ex). I admit I even own the Scrabble Dictionary, when we got extremely competitive in the game we would use it to disprove or prove the legality of a word. We'd end up scoring each around 250+ in a single game. not including the few instances in which we (or one of us) both got bingos (where you use all 7 tiles) in a game; for those who don't know calling BINGO (with a valid word) is automatically 50 points on top of whatever score the word earned you, or the best is when you get a BINGO by adding on to another word, especially if you place a tile on the triple word score, which is rare but incredibly high scoring.
There is just something about the game of Scrabble that makes it such an amazing game, at least in my eyes anyway. Not only does it make you think and learn but it also stirs up almost every emotion. Excitement when you see a perfect spot to play some of your letters, that would just kill the competition; sadness when someone plays in that spot; defeat/stress (in a way) when you constantly keep picking/getting consonant from the bag -or- you have like almost every 1 point letter and your hope you can win by those two letter words; glory when you see you can use all seven tiles; confusion when you think your playing a high scoring word only to know it wasn't worth shit.
I love playing Scrabble, but it's hard to find someone to play with majority of the people I know can't stand the game. I know that there are some Scrabble- like games/ways to play online like through Yahoo! games, but for some unknown reason, it's not the same (obviously), Scrabble is one of those games that must be played in person with the board in front of you. Don't get me wrong I love playing computer/video games especially via xboxlive, but not this game.

Don't tell Chaucer that chivalry is dead

(a work in progress)

Don't tell Chaucer that chivalry is dead
Those acts of courtly love, ___ are ancient history.
those days are gone, the __ have arrived
The story of my life! but
I'll pick up, where those guys left off
cuz who says a girl can't practice chivalry?
it's all about the attitude, your view of the world

enjoy every moment, it's the best day of your life
for you don't know when this could be the end

smile laugh and love everyone whom you meet
leave an impression that goes down in the books
touch their souls, mend their hearts,
be yourself and you'll become ____

never regret, when the tough gets going---
it's good, bad, wonderful, experience
Life is an exciting adventure
always remember to dream,------

Don't tell Chaucer that chivalry is dead
Those acts of courtly love, ___ are ancient history.








enjoy every moment, it's the best day of your life
for you don't know when this could be the end